Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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