like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The beer is more important than you right now.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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