Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
