well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize