This is not my ceiling
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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