allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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