do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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