We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
