Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
