you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
