im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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