Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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