Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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