note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
