i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
