can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
