His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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