is wine microwaveable?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
