I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
