Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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