Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
