I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just gift wrapped bread.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
