my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
