He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize