Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
