I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
