I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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