girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
