my mouth tastes like poor choices
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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