Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize