Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
