I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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