At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
