he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
