When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
