dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
