Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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