I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
