we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
