I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
