You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
