Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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