If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
