Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
