in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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