I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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