I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
