..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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