My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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