I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
