i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
