they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
