dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Your cock deserves a montage
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
