She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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