Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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