At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
