So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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