i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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