he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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