You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
