His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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