Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize