Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
