Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
