all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
