Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize