I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
