I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize