It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
