Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
