My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
