it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
