I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
